The Quixotic Adventures!
by Cup of Joe
Summary: Funny! Notice the word quixotic will appear many different times. *final chapter up*
1. Chapter 1

The Quixotic Adventures!  
  
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE FF7 CHARACTERS, NOR DO I OWN THE WORD "QUIXOTIC". I DON'T OWN TACO BELL EITHER, BUT I'M ON THAT, SO I WILL SOON.  
  
Author's notes: I usually don't write these so listen up. The word "quixotic" will appear very many times in this story. It means… well… you look it up. I will make up many different words dealing with the word "quixotic" in which looking up will do you no good. Anyway, this is my next humor in line from my last tragic excuse for a drama. I plan on sticking strictly to humor and poetry, so none of that sad mushy stuff from me. Anyway, enjoy the story.   
  
*Scene opens in a Jacuzzi with Cloud and Tifa. Why a Jacuzzi you ask? Because after their hard work, Cloud promised a tropical vacation to Neo-Costa Del Sol. Barret is checking out the babes on the beach, Cid is in the smoking room, Yuffie is playing soccer with little kids, Red XIII is napping, Cait Sith is gambling, and Vincent is no where to be found.*  
  
Cloud: Ahhh.  
  
Tifa: Oh! *bubbles go up her bikini top*  
  
Cloud: Hee hee! You look good like that. Anyway you get it to stay that way?  
  
Tifa: Cloud! You pimp! *kicks him in the you-know-where*  
  
Cloud: … *passes out in the Jacuzzi, but floats to the top due to bubble jet action*  
  
Barret waltzes by because the pool/Jacuzzi area is a good attraction for babes.   
  
Barret: Hey you two, stop being quixotic!  
  
Tifa: What's quixotic mean?  
  
Barret: You could try highlighting the word "quixotic" and then pressing "D". *gives reader a brief moment to do so*  
  
Tifa: Wow!   
  
Cloud: *wakes up* Cool! Now I know what that word means! *stands up and reveals his nudy self. Instantly, everybody runs away* Oh shit! I'm naked! *runs to towel rack*  
  
Barret: *is too busy belly laughing so hard he can't talk*  
  
*Scene shifts to the motel room, where everyone is currently in, even Vincent*  
  
Cait Sith: Hey everybody! I was just gambling!  
  
Yuffie: How much did you win?  
Cait Sith: *sweat drops* I gambled it all…  
  
Yuffie: You WHAT???   
  
Cid: You *beep*'n ass wipe! You just wasted all our money!  
  
Cait: Actually, I still have about, uh, 10 gil.  
  
Barret: 10 gil!?! Why we can't but shit with that shit!  
  
Cloud: Oh darn. Now, we're gonna have to move out of the resort.  
  
Tifa: What a quixotic turn of events.  
  
Cid: What the hell is "quixotic"!?  
  
Tifa: Highlight the word "quixotic" and press "D". *another chance for if you didn't the first time*  
  
Cid: Oh.  
  
Red: Oh.  
  
Cait: Oh.  
  
Yuffie: Oh  
  
Vincent: …  
  
Tifa: But, Cloud's unfortunately right. We won't have enough money to stay here.  
  
Yuffie: Cloud? RIGHT? He's never right!  
  
Red: She's right. But I guess we can't hide the truth…  
  
Cait Sith: I know! I'll submit my last 10 gil into the super duper ultra lotto sweepstakes wheel!  
  
Tifa: What?  
  
Cait: Watch.  
  
*Cait Sith leads everyone to the casino. Everyone points and laughs at him, being he lost so much. Cait enters their last 10 gil into the wheel. Then the man spins it. As it spins everyone sweats. Then the wheel gently slows, and lands on the money bag symbol. Every one cheers but then the wheel ticks once more and the "YOU LOSE" symbol it selected.  
  
Casino Man: I'm sorry, sir, but you suck, I mean, lose.  
  
*Back at the room*  
  
Red: We'll just have to wait until they kick us out…  
  
Cid: They'll never kick us out! I won't let them!   
  
*The crew is kicked out, except Vincent who glides out, and Cait Sith who just walks*  
  
Yuffie: This is just too quixotic…  
  
Cid: Shut yo' damn hole!  
  
*And so, that leaves our gang in quite a quixotic predicament. The motel kicked the team out, and with no money left, they need to raise some gil in order to continue their relaxation. Will they get enough money? Or will they be forced to live in caves and eat tree moss?* 


	2. Chapter 2

*When we last left our quixotically challenged heroes, Cait gambled away all of everyone's gil, and in result, the whole party gets kicked out of Neo-Costa Del Sol's Motel.*  
  
Cid: Cait Sith, you damn monkey bitch! I can't believe you did this! Now we've gotta wander around, with no place to sleep, or eat, or even live, just because you wasted all our gil on your stupid, gay ass gambling!  
  
Red: Calm down, Cid. We'll make more money. All we need to do is fight some enemies…  
  
Cid: That don't work, you gay, red fagget! That only works when you play Final Fantasy 7 on the PlayStation!  
  
Cloud: Ah! I'm on PlayStation! *cheers*  
  
Cait: I got us in this mess, and I'm gonna get us out!  
  
*Cait leads the whole gang to Gold Saucer. As they take the rail train in, he flashes his Gold Ticket, and they instantly enter the Wonder Square.*  
  
Cait: Okay, I need all of everybody's GP.  
  
*After everyone shakes their pouches, empties their pockets, and Yuffie finally gives up all the GP she stole from everyone, Cait ends up with… 40 GP*  
  
Cait: Okay, we've got just enough for the brand new "Win tons of gil!" arcade game.   
  
*They all walk over to the "Win tons of gil!" arcade game, and Cait starts to play. The game makes tons of "bleeps" and "bloops". Everyone is sweating and praying and Yuffie is biting her fingernails*  
  
Arcade: CONGRATULATIONS! YOU… LOST, BECAUSE YOU SUCK.  
  
Tifa: Gee, how quixotic.  
  
Cid: If I hear that word one more time, I'm gonna kick your ass.  
  
Tifa: Oh.  
  
Cloud: Well now what, Cait just lost all our gil and our GP!  
  
*Out of nowhere, Aeris enters the area*  
  
Barret: Aeris?! I thought you were dead!  
  
Aeris: It's a long story actually. You see, when Sephiroth killed me, I started over from the last SAVE point I saved at. Ever since then, I've been looking for all of you!  
  
Yuffie: That's quixotically strange.  
  
Cid: *kicks Yuffie's ass*  
  
Yuffie: *is much cooler so she kicks Cid's ass*  
  
*Eventually, Cid and Yuffie are in an ass-kicking fest*  
  
Barret: You fags! Stop kicking each other's ass's!   
  
Aeris: Anyway, I heard about your gil ordeal. I've got 5,000 we can all share.  
  
All except Aeris: 5,000 gil?!  
  
*Suddenly everyone tackles Aeris and tries to grab her gil. Gil, teeth, and articles of clothing are flying everywhere. Red exit's the scuffle and starts to talk*  
  
Red: Is this the way we should act? Aeris has come to provide us with some gil, and we all try to steal it from her. Look at us, we're being heathens.  
  
*Everyone stops. Yuffie smiles to reveal she is missing 3 teeth. Cloud has no pants on and Tifa and Aeris are without bras. Cait's mog is leaking cotton, and Vincent has his gun to Cid's head. Barret is searching around to find stray bullets*  
  
Cloud: We're sorry, Aeris. *finds pants and frantically tries to put them on*  
  
Barret: Maybe we can use the money to finish our vacation.  
  
Cait: Or I can try my luck and…  
  
All: NO!!  
  
Cid: Let's just go back to the motel.  
  
*And so, the gang goes back to Neo Costa Del Sol, things go well, and Cait Sith is locked in the closet. Cid clicks on the TV.*  
  
TV: Are you looking for love? Or do you just want cheese? Well, you can have both with Swiss Kiss. It's the delicate taste of swiss cheese, whipped into a fondue of romance. Buy it today.  
  
Cid: Geez. Kids these days, tryin to sell cheap generic shit.   
  
*Sephiroth flies in the window*  
  
Sephy: What's on?  
  
Cid: Shit.  
  
Sephy: When isn't that on. *pops open a beer and chugs*  
  
*Tifa and Cloud walk into the room. Cloud is giving Tifa a piggy-back ride*  
  
Cloud: *spots Sephiroth* AAGH! NO!! *falls on knees and starts holding his head like he always does*  
  
Tifa: *falls on ground* Ow.   
  
*Out of nowhere, Yuffie comes hurtling into the room through the window*  
  
Yuffie: Hi.  
  
*Suddenly, cheddar cheese monkies come flying from the sky*  
  
+Oh no! What will happen now! Will everybody get beaned in the head with cheese monkies? Or will our heroes save the world?+ 


	3. Chapter 3

+Last time, the sky rained cheddar cheese monkies! What will our heroes do now?+  
  
Cloud: AHH! AHH! AHH! *has a seizure*  
  
Sephy: *flies outside and starts slashing through pieces of cheese snacks* I'm outta here. See ya later! *poofz*  
  
Cait: *gets out of the closet and uses his megaphone to call everyone to the room*   
  
*Everyone is in the room, yay!*  
  
Cid: This is a bunch of shit. How are we supposed to get out of here?  
  
Aeris: Hm. This is a dangerous situation. We could get stranded in here! I'm scared!   
  
Vincent: I have an idea.  
  
*Suddenly, everyone stops still. Vincent talked. And to top it off, he had an idea.*  
  
Barret: Well then, spill it you gothic-ass bitch.  
  
Vincent: Why don't we just… wait… forget it.  
  
Tifa: All we have to do is defy physics! It's a quixotic idea!  
  
Cid: Shut yo' mouth you mofo!  
  
Tifa: You called me a mofo?!?!  
  
Cid: Yeah! MOFO MOFO MOFO!!  
  
Tifa: Noooo!! Cloud, save me!  
  
Cloud: *is in wheelchair with IV attached to his arm* Mo… mo… monkey butt!  
  
Yuffie: He said butt! He said butt! *laughs quixotically*  
  
Barret: Hey, Mr. Narrator Dude! Stop using the word quixotic!  
  
+No+  
  
Barret: Damn.  
  
Red: Um… excuse me.  
  
*Everybody continues to argue*  
  
Red: *clears throat* Excuse me…  
  
*the ruckus continues*  
  
Red: EXCUSE ME!! *pants heavily*  
  
*Everybody's attention is pointed toward Red*  
  
Tifa: You don't have to yell.  
  
Red: Oh, sorry. Um, we need to stop arguing and start thinking about what to do. Soon, the world will be flooded with cheddar cheese monkies. We need to plan carefully.  
  
Cloud: *recovers quixotically* Why don't we eat them!  
  
Everybody: Yeah!  
  
*And so the whole FF7 crew decides to eat the cheese monkies. Eventually, they stop falling for some quixotic reason*  
  
+And so ends our quixotic adventures. They could keep happening, but I'm bored of this story, and so I'll cut it off now. But before we go…+  
  
Cait: Let's conga line out of the story!  
  
*The whole FF7 crew conga lines out, except Vincent who turns into Chaos and flies out the window*  
  
THE END…quixotically! 


End file.
